H-Day Approaches

Brainstorm around a general idea I've had for a long time.  The following is pure fiction, far as we know.

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    My money's on mean space aliens, living in Uranus, prepping to harvest our planet right before the sun goes kablooey again.  (Kablooey expoundments: Sun Nova & Crust Displacement)   Yes, the horrific Uranutians shall burst forth and make a beeline to Earth as they have for dozens of ages.  After Earth's harvest, they'll return to Uranus and once again descend beneath the hazy sheen of their cloaking climate controller.

    The CHLADNIZER!!!  Dom dom dom. . . .  is a sinister device able to sponge nearly all energy emitting from the planet's core.  It employs energy capture while providing spectral masking of the planet's light signature.  It does this by harnessing Uranus's powerful geomagnetic energies, albeit with the awkward result of skewing the normal rotational tendency of the planet into a rolling ball.  The twisted inhabitants don't mind though.  Another side effect of turning their world into a pinball is the CHLADNIZER Gravity distribution gradient, which renders much of the planet's surface to near 1G.  How convenient.

    The CHLADNIZER's energetic output is able to provide a handy matrix of usable energy to the proud denizens of Uranus everywhere that is atmosphere controlled - which is of course, the entire surface of the massive planet.  For deep beneath those fathomless clouds exists all manner of carefully crafted earthly climate replicas, though in some places very unearthly climates are maintained.

    When the Uranutian harvesters return from pillaging Earth, they wallow in their plunder under a starless sky.  They pass around the more interesting earthly slaves and trinkets and beasts.  But what's to become of the numerous undesirables after a typically over-bountiful harvest?   Some are made to play in jests and games.  Many are put to mundane toil.  A few lucky elites are maintained in authority, wrangling the masses while living in opulent, pampered squalor.  For the middle and upper classes, life is a constant low level panic.  Fear of not making the grade and getting a replacement card, mainly, which would most often mean tasking to menial labor.  The lower classes subsist in very difficult conditions.  Whether surviving generations in the blistering CO2 farm domes, or toiling forever on grim maintenance teams, life is hard for these folk.  Ages of toil have evolved them toward their tasks.  Uranus work crews are the ultimate anti-DEVO.  Most previously harvested humans and their progeny manage to get along, but only just.  And of course there is an underground underbelly too - in some areas quite a thriving one.  Black markets, syndicates and cartels abound and take their toll.

    A notable portion of Uranus dwellers find sport and entertainment torturing, experimenting upon, fornicating with, and sometimes even feasting upon the pathetic humdrum-humans not selected for Permissions.  Pitiful hopeless morons.  "Mastercows of the dairy"  Humans are a dime a dozen, and right after a new harvest?  Definite buyers market.

    Naturally, insurgencies arise, sanctuaries are carved, and these sometimes persist perniciously despite efforts to eradicate them.  As the next harvest approaches, a desperate rebel alliance has come together, including within its ranks a number of sympathetic Uranutians, working alongside the "redacted" human rabble.  Those who've been banned from the rolls.  Hunted, shunned, never permitted.  The rebellion advocates for better treatment of humans and the desire for a diplomatic dialog to be undertaken with the Earth in order to enter into a new arrangement that isn't so repugnantly parasitical.  One that stops keeping humanity from achieving our next stage of civilization evolution and lofting seed colonies into the galaxy.

    Earth, though, is forever doomed to 6000 year solar culling, while the bulk of humanity and their masters live in perpetual stealth mode under the clouds of Uranus.  This solar system was selected for just this type of planetary arrangement.  One in which the massive capitol planet exists shielded from notice, while farm worlds are harvested in support between novae.  Too bad about Mars . . . it'll be many solar flare cycles before it can be brought back to production after a particularly severe roasting a few cycles back.

    Uranutian Rebels engage in sabotage during harvest and have on occasion attempted Uranutian assassination.  More commonly they work to support and build free zones and stronghold sanctuaries.  From the free cities, they operate.  And in their strongholds they shelter from the storm when the time comes.  They long to embrace the peoples dwelling upon the Earth and reunite humanity.

    Meanwhile the Uranutians and their sycophants bide their time, sharpening their hoozywutzits until next time.  Bwah . . . Bwah bwah bwah . . . . . bwah . . . .

    Once every hundred thousand years or so when they sun doth shine and the moon doth grow . . . . and the grass don't grow . . . . ho . . . . and the clock's on 0 - oh . . . .

    OK back to Earth -  yeah right . . . Is it the fate of all remaining on Earth to be re-incinerated by a repeating 6000 year Sun nova?  Probably not, but the Nova does usually blast the surface of around 1/3 the planet to smithereens.  Whole civilizations can perish.  Those that survive have a tremendous struggle to rebuild and hold onto their society.  An Ice Age is well overdue too, by the way.  It may not be the kablooey of the Sun that sets it off.  But it may well be the Ice Age right after it that finishes us off for good here on Earth.  That is, if the divisions delicately sewn and the fractures so carefully pruned and trimmed ever since the first major Uranutian incursions generated the first and second world wars . . . . don't erupt into global conflagration first.

    From the Uranutian perspective that's not such a huge problem if that does happen, long term.  Uranutians are very good at restoring scorched planets via the great re-seeding.  It is much harder however, after nukes punctuate the orchestrated conflicts.  So, efforts are made to keep this sort of thing to a minimum.  The Sahara still has a few cycles to go before it can be restored, as a prime example. Quite an inconvenience.

    Do some on Earth already know what is to come?  Almost certainly.  This info has been a long and carefully guarded secret.  Even the naming of the planet for the was carefully selected to cause uneasy, unpleasant fixations and weirdness.  Uranus.  Look away.  Forget about it and check out the other awesome named planets instead.  The is because the highest authorities of Uranus work diligently to maintain strict interaction regulation for approved contacts on Earth during the interglacial growth periods.  Unauthorized excursions remain strictly forbidden until humans achieve radio communication.  From there, a standard strategy is employed to guide humans toward maximum growth prior to harvest, all the while impeding and sabotaging progress in military capability in order to ease H-Day . . .  Harvest Day.

   But in the current cycle, something has gone wrong.  Humans have jumped ahead and progressed to atomic warfare capability too soon.  Hastily Uranus responded by relaxing restrictions on Earth contact.  Uranutians have begun arriving for advanced preparation to manage orderly herd division and breakup for harvest.  The rebels have also infiltrated with a handful of Uranutians leaders as well as many Friars from among the human free cities of Uranus working to build fire teams and support units.  They are attempting to disrupt the cycle.  To derail the herd division stage as H-Day approaches.  Even as Earth scientists are beginning to put the pieces together in this epic quest for humanity to finally unite, overthrow the masters and blossom into the heavens.

    Monster's Manual and Dieties & Demigods by Gary Gygax and friends should provide ample inspiration for familiar forms that might inhabit the Uranusian realms.  If you can find my stupid cousin who's "misplaced" the 1st edition I was keeping for my brother that she stole and he has never forgiven me about . . .  Punch her in the face for me and consider the debt paid as you take it from her clammy clutches.

    Hollywood, if you want this gem bad enough, find the e-mail on the site . . . I'm taking offers.   If I see it on screen sans offer though, funny thing . . . Mrs. Grendelcat's a lawya . . . so just sayin' choice is yours.

    Not Hollywood?  That's OK, Hollywood can suck Disney's protruberance(s).  We'll only accept if the offer's less than theirs.  I know. Tough bargainer I am, ain't I just.  Whaddya say.  Help a brotha out and get solid gold in return?  This could be the next huge Vin Diesel vehicle . . . . Hear me out, let me give you my "Pitch Black" . . . . I'd watch the next Vin movie if you go back to a planet again as described here melded into the pitch black series.  Could be.  If Spock can invoke a parallel universe to Heimlich the Trek lore, Riddick can time warp for sure - even though that notion is idiotic.  OK put a pin in that.  Uranus even has an artistic contrast between the moody darkness of the Pitch Black eclipse of terror and the bright smiling soothing surface of Uranus.  Yet no one knows for sure . . . the horrible things that have regularly penetrated beneath that smooth, oily, muscled . . . um ok moving on, oh yes . . . we were speaking of Uranus.

*** Special required notice regarding the surrounding section delineated by very stern and serious multiple brackets.  This section of this Lair Central article "Flippin' Uranus", and all correlated original concepts if any can be logically argued in a court of law, including original ideas further expressed and expounded upon throughout all of Lair Central, are hereby 25th June, 2022 excluded from inclusion in the standard waiver of copyright claim for the Lair Central pages normally granted to the content published here.

***** Please also note this important unexclusionary clause which thusly is heretofore and dispositively unpossessed of ipso facto habeus copious uno flagellium absolvium dictus.   Sorry wanted this bit to sound legalized before Mrs. Grendelcat takes a peak and got carried away. . . do solemnly swear that The Grendelcat hereby 25th June, 2022 dismisses any claim to the beloved and extremely copyrighted works of Mr. Gygax.  But, if you can get the rights.  The idea of using them this way.  Right here yo.  Add some 0s.  Same with the idea of using Tribute by Tenacious D . . . I can practically hear that trailer for this!  Can't you?

*********Please also note, The Grendelcat unexcludes from waiver in both hemi, demi, and semi quaver . . . including oxford comma . . . the bit about Vin.  That isn't really part of the idea.  Just a bit of daydreaming or something.  Any actor could use this role to make them the next Sci-fi God.  Obviously.  I have no agent.  You'll walk all over me.  Whaddya got to lose.  Johnny.  Oh wow Johnny Depp.  Hell yeah.  Your comeback is about space-horror my Amber-free friend.  Get in touch.  Or just come over.  Whatever.  Dude.  I want to party with you before I die.  #justiceforjohnnydepp

Addendum: Also, unexcluded importantly from waiver . . .

COMPOSERS, MUSICIANS, GRAPHIC ARTISTS, AND COMIC BOOK PRODUCERS ARE FREE TO USE THIS CONCEPTUAL WORLD, CHARACTERS AND STORIES EVOLVING FROM ITS LORE FOREVER AND IN PERPETUITY WITH NO COPYRIGHT CLAIM EVER

I'd only want a piece of the merchandizing, please and the ability to lord this over the movie industry.  Ol' Ben showed us the ways of the force, indeed.  Let's see what happens eh?

*************Please consider too, before exiting this bizarre indulgence . . . fine silly idea - pipe dream, ignore it whatevs . . . at least if it does come out and you find out about it - assuming you see the name Grendelcat attached?  Yo . . . you gotta come see it or download it whatever.  You have to.   You read it here all those years ago before anybody saw it and you can brag about it to your friends.  You'll be king of the fan club, yo.  Legend at the conventions.  The chicks.  They will be total hotties.  Particularly considering the Gygax art aspect as noted above.  Grendelcat script writing foray . . . out.

Oh and . . . don't punch my cousin in the face you retard.  That was a joke, not an incitement to violence.  If you do, I will punch you in the face.  That was a threat.  Words mean things.  Context too.

Research note:  Still haven't figured out if I'm the first to discover the above Shakespeare quote's applicability to what was probably first discovered centuries later regarding the lack of energy coming from the planet to bathe its moons, which of course would in reality cause the moons to be that much less bright compared to those bathed in the light of normal host planets.

For any having trouble with the Shakespeare part errant thieves snatching pale fire from sun (Instead of also the host planet like all the other moons do more).  That hint should get ya there.

Other maybe more likely possibility?  Maybe that's why they were given Shakesperian names.  That someone who named these, if I find who they are and that's why they did it?  I am going to think that is the coolest person ever naming things in space.  If I discovered this?  All I ask, is the credit.  Better than any Captain Kirk Shakespeare quote.  That's how strongly I feel about this.  Kirk, and Grendelcat . . . out.

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